


#SexyButts

by FiccinDylan



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M, derek can't internet, emojis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 09:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9600341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiccinDylan/pseuds/FiccinDylan
Summary: Stiles loves Derek and Derek loves Stiles.  He knows this, but he needs the internet to know, Derek!aka Stiles finally convinces Derek to comment on one of his Tumblr posts and Derek... doesn't quite get it right.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MereLoup](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MereLoup/gifts), [fatcamp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatcamp/gifts), [littlefrog1025](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlefrog1025/gifts), [DiscontentedWinter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiscontentedWinter/gifts), [DenaCeleste](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DenaCeleste/gifts).



> A friend got this exact pic in a message on her Tumblr and I told her I needed to Sterek it. #MissionAccomplished

Stiles Stilinski has had _enough_. He pokes his insolent wereparamour in the chest before unleashing his mighty rage.

“Dammit, Derek! You’re my manwolf now, and as my manwolf-”

Derek’s nose crinkles, “Stop saying _manwolf,_ Stiles.”

“You shut your snout, manwolf!” Stiles shouts, stubbornly throwing his hands in the air. Before he can wave them around with little to no caring, Derek grabs them and holds them to his chest.

“What's wrong, Stiles?!”

“And let me finish while I’m still working off impudent rage and haven’t fully noticed how fucking great you look in that Henley!” Stiles was pissed, but he wasn’t blind. Derek looks down at his shirt.

“You bought me this Henley! Remember, we thought the blue would come off too steel, but it does amazing things to my eyes.” Derek looks at Stiles through his lashes and winks flirtatiously. Stiles grins slyly, before remembering his mission and steeling his resolve.

“Derek, shut up!”

“You said you spent a lot of time picking it out!” Derek yells, somewhat offended as he drops Stiles hands and crosses his arms over his chest. Stiles camps his hands on his hips and leans slightly forward.

“I know I did, Derek! Wanna know how I know? It was on my _fucking blog which you never read_!” Stiles fists the air excitedly in triumph as Derek finally exhales and rolls his eyes. 

“Stiles,” He begins, trying to think of a way to softly land the blow. “I… hate Tumblr.”

“Really? _That_ was softening the blow?” Stiles says, unimpressed. Derek shrugs as his eyebrows raise into the sky.

“It’s literally the worst, I hate it!”

“Everyone hates Tumblr, Derek! I mean, we love it, of course, but the mobile app is the fucking worst, but guess what, big guy? Your hu- _man_ -”

“Stiles, _no!_ ”

“-uses it to connect and share his vision with the world! Along with sharing awesome stories of my awesome manwolf and I look through all the notes because I’m a fuckin’ boss on Tumblr and what do I see Derek?” Stiles is ranting and scrolling through his phone. He finds the page he’s looking for and shoves the phone into Derek’s face, aggressively scrolling with his other finger, “not _one_ heart or reblog from _lupinefiasco_!!”

Derek forces himself to bristle (he secretly loves the name for the account Stiles setup for him, but he can never let him know) and blinks.

“Just because I don’t note your posts-”

“Jesus Christ, Derek, ‘ _note your post_ ’? Do you really think that’s a thing, really?!”

“-doesn’t mean I haven’t read them or value what you say!”

“First off, I saw you fake bristle at the name, you weredick. You know you love it so don’t be an ass! Secondly, you read my blog but just don’t note it? If that’s even the least bit true then tell me one thing.”

“Anything, Stiles. Anything for you.” Derek pleads but sees a worrisome glint in Stiles’ eyes.

“What’s the name of my Tumblr, Derek?”

Derek looks at Stiles. Stiles looks at Derek. Derek, knowing his boyfriend, knows he can figure this out.

“You think I don’t know the name to your Tumblr?” He asks, buying time trying to think. It’s gotta be a play on his name, right? _Stiles_to_the_future_? No, that doesn’t seem right. _Doctor Stiles_? Nope. _Stiles_Who?_ Maybe… Ooh! _StilesSolo_! Or maybe it’ll have something to do with Stiles’ crush on Young Billy Dee Williams? _Stilesrissian_? _The-Stiles-Side-of-the-Pillow_?

“Yes, Derek. Despite the fact I just showed you my blog on my phone to accentuate the complete lack of online support you give me, I still don’t think you know my screen name.”

Shit. Stiles _had_ just shown him his phone and his name was clear as day at the top. Derek doesn’t really remember what it was, but he’s sure it’s nothing he thought of. Derek looks at Stiles. Stiles looks at Derek. Derek, knowing he’s fucked, goes for broke.

“ _The-Stiles-Side_. Final answer.”

“Final answer? What-”

“No whammies.”

“You don’t even know what that means!”

“The-Stiles-Side!” Derek says resolutely. Stiles sighs and slumps slightly.

“You got lucky!”

“Holy shit!” Derek can’t help his own fist pump of victory as Stiles narrows his eyes at his asshat of a mate.

“I know that was just a crazy guess-”

“I love you.”

“And I know you love me, but why don’t you love _me_ enough to engage with me on social media?!” Stiles accuses without missing a beat. “I want to share our love with the world! I want to show how much you love me and honestly, Hale? I need to prove that you fucking exist, because everyone outside the BH metro is getting real suspicious, and you already won’t let me post your nudes.”

Derek reaches out and slaps his hand over his boyfriend’s mouth. Normally this would be the time he regrets ever even knowing the boy, but he can feel the pout under his palm and he knows he could never give that up.

“Okay, listen, how about this? I’m going to ignore everything you just said, read your blog, and note the shit out of it, _if_ -” Derek pauses while Stiles looks at him expectantly, “-you promise to kiss me and leave right now.”

Stiles nods and moves his mouth of out from behind Derek’s hand, “You gotta deal, sexy sourwolf!”

“Stiles, go!” Derek motions to the door and Stiles throws his arms around the wolf’s neck, planting a huge kiss right on his lips. Derek catches his arm. “Wait, so… did ‘ _of-the-pillow’_ make the name too long?” Stiles huffs, but nods as Derek laughs. Stiles pinches his ass as he leaves and if Derek blushes a little, nobody has to know.

_______________

Stiles heads into work and greets his business partner, Danny. They own a cyber security firm where they work on setting up infrastructure to aid clients in keeping their data secure. It’s really just the two of them, but since everything they do is remote, Stiles has crafted a much larger image. It helps that the office park they’re in also has a coffee shop/bakery owned by Kira and Scott, and a rare book store managed by Lydia and Boyd. Erica and Allison have a krav maga studio there and Mason and Liam work for the building’s management company.

In all, Stiles has claimed the entire building as Staniel Industries, Inc (a subsidiary of My Cousin Miguel Enterprises) and the website advertising their services displays the sprawling business proudly. Business is good, but it still makes Danny shake his head.

“One of these days one of our clients is going to want to visit and what will we do then, Stiles? When they find out the Alpha Beans coffee shop and the Beowulf Buns bakery aren’t our cafeteria?” Danny asks as he sorts their inbox. Stiles laughs and shrugs as he brings up Tumblr for his morning rant.

“We’ll just get everyone together and wing it. As long as Morrell doesn’t come by, and let’s be real -it’s like she disappeared off the face of the earth as it is- then we’ll be fine. We’ll just say that we made the signs as a cheeky nod to consumerism and we’ll reimburse the guys later for the free crap they give out on the tour.”

Danny laughs. “You’re a little too good at crafting self serving storylines.”

“Hey man, it’s all for the greater good! No one really wants to know that two college aged kids are responsible for the safety of all their digital information. So you paint them a nice, safe picture.”

“Is that why you’re so adamant about Derek posting on your blog? No one wants to take your shifty love advice if they think you’re # _foreveralone_ loser?”

“ _That-_ ” Stiles starts, coyly flipping off Danny who laughs, “and at this point I need people to know I’m not making him up. Evidently there’s this Moya guy on Instagram that looks _just_ like him and people are starting to think I shopped the photos. I need my boo to show up!”

“Did you call him your _boo_? Because that might be a part of your problem.” Danny quips. Stiles grabs a handful of paperclips and throws them at the jocular young man.

“Oh hey, Danny, how’s your significant other? Oh wait-”

“ _Yeeouch_ , Stiles! Okay, I give up, put the claws away!”

Stiles smirks and turns to his laptop. Today’s post is going to be about the psychology of Derek’s obsession with finding the right brown amongst a bevy of paint swatches for their living room. Stiles found him in the middle of the night, sleeping in a pile of them and clawing at the air.

“I’m going to call it ‘ _On the Spectrum’_ ” he calls out cheekily. Danny snorts.

“Sensitive.”

Stiles nods as he types. His assface boyfriend better at least heart it!

On his lunch break Stiles scans through his notes for something from Derek. He sighs as he comes up empty.

“I can’t believe I’m contributing to this nonsense, but I’m bored,” Danny starts. Stiles looks at him expectantly and see Danny motioning to his laptop. “It looks like Derek couldn’t figure out the comment thing so he sent you a message instead. “

Stiles looks at his phone -he fucking hates Tumblr mobile- and then at Danny whose head is blocking the view of the message. Danny sighs.

“I give you guys a lot of grief and I admit, it’s probably because I’m a little jealous that you landed him before I could sink my hooks in, but this message really makes me believe in the true nature of your love."  Danny stands, blocking Stiles' view even more as Stiles struggles to look around him.  "I mean, it’s clear, he really took the time to make sure you knew how much this meant to him and that he really listened. He even responded with a lot of intimate personal details about the subject matter. You two are a match made in Heaven.”

Danny turns and looks at Stiles who is staring at him, mouth agape and shocked. He… knows better. He kicks Danny’s chair out of the way and looks on the screen at his message box. What he sees… surprises him.

.. 

"He's so mysterious!"

“I fucking hate you, Danny.”

Danny is literally rolling on the floor laughing as Stiles tries to make sense of the gibberish Derek sent. He texts him immediately.

“I think the peach is him reminding you of what a great ass he has.”

“That’s enough from you, Mr. Mahealani, why don’t you go cold call some prospective clients?”

“Don’t mind if I do!” Danny says, sweeping himself off and going to the bakery, undoubtedly ready to mock Stiles for all it’s worth.

Stiles looks back at his phone… no answer from Derek yet. He looks back at the screen and tries to make sense of what’s in front of him. He picks up his office phone.

"Beouwulf Buns, a subsidiary of Stanny-"

“Scott, get your ass over here _now._ ” Stiles hangs up without waiting for a response and screencaps the emojis in the message. Scott comes in to find Stiles isolating certain groups. Stiles waves and points at the screen.

“Alright, buddy, help me figure this out. It’s gotta be some kind of code.”

“Uhh, Stiles, I don’t think-”

“Okay, so he loves me obviously, I can skip that crap.” Stiles starts as Scott smirks and lets out a sigh. Stiles continues determined, “He… wants me to dress up in those blue panti- ahem, _undies_ he bought me last week-” Scott clears his throat.

“Are those blue undies made of silk or lace?”

“Shut up, Scott! You’re supposed to be helping me!”

“Bro, just call him. It looks like he accidentally just butt messaged you!” Scott says as he peers at the screen confused. Stiles shakes his head.

“No, no, Derek is better than that. This fucking _means_ something. Like, look here at this devil, he’s obviously calling me a little shit and saying he was shocked by something I said and maybe it made him contemplative?”

“Dude, I think you’re reading a lot into this. Like, what’s up with all the fruit, he wants a salad?”

“Well being that it follows the peach, I think he wants to toss mine.”

“Are you making salad for dinner tonight?”

“Go away, Scott.”

Scott shrugs, unbothered and pats his friend on the back.

“Just call him, bro!”

The rest of the day is busy so Stiles doesn’t have a chance to revisit the message until he goes home. He sees Derek in the kitchen washing an eggplant and bristles.

“Hey, Der…” Stiles starts cautiously. Derek turns around and smiles big.

“Hey there.” He beckons Stiles with pursed lips and gives him a sweet kiss hello. “Did you get my message?”

Stiles stares at Derek. Derek stares back at Stiles. Stiles narrows his eyes. Derek doesn’t flinch.

“Derek, what the fuck was that you sent me!” Stiles yells as slaps his hand into the pan of water in the sink where Derek is washing vegetables. It splashes everywhere and Derek hip checks him away.

“I left you a comment saying how smart and opinionated you are and how much I adore and love you, you ass!” Derek yells as Stiles digs into his pocket and pulls out his phone, shoving it into Derek’s face.

“Derek! You fucking idiot, this is a wall of emoji, but it’s purposeful right? You didn’t just buttdial this!” Stiles looks at Derek with pleading eyes and Derek finally wilts under the scrutiny. He throws his hands up.

“Fine! I… _uggh_ ,” He sighs, Stiles brown eyes imploring him to continue. “I was sending you a message and it got stuck on the emoji keyboard and I couldn’t figure out how to get back to the regular keyboard so I tried to convey what I was thinking through the art of smiley faces and tiny pictures.”

Stiles… _melts_. He can never stay mad at his tech!fail wolf for long. He wraps his arm around Derek’s neck and kisses his cheek as Derek nuzzles his neck and pulls him in, winding his arms around Stiles’ waist.

“Aww, bear, I knew you’d put some thought into it and I knew that technology would get the best of you.”

“I’m not that unsavvy, I just have big, meaty fingers-”

“Yeah, you do!”

“-and I couldn’t hit the back thing!”

Stiles laughs into Derek’s shoulder before pulling up the phone again.

“Alright, big guy. So walk me through this:"

..

Derek shrugs as he begins to nose along Stiles’ neck to his ear. Stiles can’t help the little shiver the thrill sends through him.

“Well, the first part is how much I love you, and I really liked the little licky guy. And then I remembered that we need to do laundry, but before maybe we could dirty up those panties I got you?”

Stiles snickers as Derek lets a little snarl out while nipping at Stiles’ chin.

“What about the assorted food stuffs?” Stiles asks. Derek motions to the sink.

“I’m making eggplant parm for dinner. And also I wanna eat your ass.”

“Ha! And the octopus?”

“Goes with the wave. There are new eps of _One Piece_ on Crunchy Roll. Then I’m going to fuck you so hard that you’ll pass out from it. And the last one is hoping any of that made sense. So, did it? Mission Accomplished?”

Derek finally pulls back and Stiles beams at him, incredulous that he got so lucky to get a man he was so in tune with. He holds his phone and texts Derek with a wall of emojis. Derek looks at his own phone and laughs.

“Dammit, Stiles. I don’t have a fucking clue what this means.” he says, taking both phones and placing on the counter. He picks Stiles up and wraps his legs around his waist. carrying him down the hall to their bedroom as Stiles laughs and kisses his wolf silly. 

“Looks like you got the message pretty fucking clear!”


End file.
